Talking to your mom, your best friend, or your significant other after a difficult day, to release difficult feelings and form a plan of action can be really helpful sometimes. The practice of sharing with another person this way is called venting and whether or not it is a good thing depends on a number of factors. At The Pavilion, in Williamsburg, Virginia, we encourage our patients to use healthy coping skills to manage emotional distress, which may sometimes include venting.
Choose Your Listener Carefully
When you need to talk about something that has upset you, you are more likely to find the conversation helpful, if the person you’re speaking to is attentive, validates your feelings, and does not get you even more worked up than you already were. Your ideal listener is probably someone who:
- Shows patience
- Expresses empathy for what you’ve experienced
- Cares for you
Vent Considerately
Even if the person you’ve chosen to vent to loves you a lot, if your conversations always turn into lengthy rants, and you never seem to have anything positive to say, their patience may wear thin and eventually put a strain on the relationship. Not only that, but if something is frustrating you, but you can’t or won’t change it, and you keep dwelling on it, this is called ruminating and it’s not good for your health.
In the interests of yourself and your listener, ask permission before you indulge in venting. It may seem odd and feel a little awkward to make this request, but by giving your loved one a chance to set boundaries around the conversation, you are making it more likely that the conversation will be productive for you both. It’s important that you accept the boundaries they set so that they will be willing to listen in the future.
The Good and the Bad
Living an authentic life requires acknowledging the hardships you experience, so there’s no reason why you cannot discuss difficult topics, however, it can be beneficial to seek out reasons to be grateful and celebrate the joys in your life. This can help you to keep the bad things in perspective and remember that your life is more than the struggles. It can also help listeners feel better about talking with you if they see that you’re willing to evaluate your situation objectively and not simply rehash negative feelings.
Alternatives To Venting
If you find that venting does not seem to help or if you don’t have people available to listen, you may want to try other coping strategies to manage difficult feelings:
- Exercise: Working out can be a distraction, a stress reliever, and a way to increase how much blood and oxygen get to your brain, so you can make good decisions.
- Writing: Using a notebook, journal, or word processing file to track your feelings, experiences, and responses can help identify patterns you might otherwise miss and highlight your personal growth over time.
- Art: Some people find it easier to express themselves visually, than with words, especially when it pertains to big emotions.
- Music: Whether you’re listening, dancing, singing, or playing, music is a great tool for working through emotions.
- Nature: Time spent in a garden, on a hike, interacting with animals, looking at the stars, or otherwise enjoying the great outdoors can provide relief for difficult feelings.
- Hobbies: Whatever brings you joy, peace or a sense of accomplishment could become a coping skill.
When To Get Professional Help
Your friends and family members may be lacking the tools to guide you through every hardship you encounter, no matter how wonderful your loved ones may be. If you are facing a problem that is big or ongoing, such as a trauma or chronic life struggle, it may be wise to seek support from a trained mental health practitioner. It is probably time to find a therapist if:
- It has become difficult or impossible for you to complete daily activities
- The problem has been going on for a while
- Your work, appetite, or sleep schedule is suffering
- You’re struggling to find joy in life
- The people you would normally talk to are part of the problem in a way that you don’t feel like you can turn to them this time
At The Pavilion, we know that supportive friends and family are irreplaceable treasures. The support our clients get from their loved ones is immensely valuable. We are here to provide resources for our patients and their support system.
